Tuesday, March 21

4+4, 1, 6+2

Am I so used to getting my way?
How improbable or rather problematic
I wish I could see you
speak to you
feel you and understand your heart
I think about you now so often and try to hide it
where are all of the safe thoughts that I tried to bid
To keep you in-- the things you did wrong.
Safer then all of the thoughts I entertain now
The way I thought we would always keep house
What are you doing now?
Where is all your favorable good lust for me?
All of the hype I love to be kept in?
aren't you still mad at me?
I wish you would be. Instead you come knocking at my door
And don't even answer your own.
Yes, this is about you.

Monday, March 20

D.A.D. Dad And Daughter

Not only am I thinking of you,
I can smell your coffee breath
and see you standing next to
the big kitchen window.
The one you broke
a little hole in the first sheet of glass
I understand that things are
still abundant between us
If I wanted to forgive
you I still haven't
and other things still haven't been done
It isn't until lately I see how
I haven't given up on hating you
If it isn't for all of the things
I can still remember what was good of you
I don't want to hate you any more
I want to call a truce
maybe not so you can hear it
but I want out of hating you
I want out of my misery I
want to let go of all the shame
I attatched to all of our memories.
I want to just keep a small happy thing
an icon for my mind to conjure up
when I think of you
for now
that is all and how I can think of you


you hurt me
I hated you
God loves me
I forgive you

Friday, March 17

ummmm... i think so

Bearing all the weight, that my petite shoulders can muster,
I come before thee and ask what is to be-
What is to become of me?
Is the future dim?,
Or is it dimly lit? --
I suppose it is all up to me.
And for all the burdens I brave; I must take
I must want these shaddows of blame
and heavy-handed weight as they make my stides longer
my mind sharper and my tounge not so slick as when I was younger
Not to say that older is old.
Thank this world and these heavens that I am still
young enough to admitt defeat agianst my own indiscretions,
my youthful opinions and arrogance.
That I am not so much older than my innocense to say I was wrong.
The worlds ways are not in error for being unlike mine.
I have been selfish and greedy and domineering and resentful.
And i am grateful to be young enough still to say
I am grateful to be wrong in my convixtions.
I have found Tangible strength in my own recovery,
from a one time self sufficient lover