4+4, 1, 6+2

Am I so used to getting my way?
How improbable or rather problematic
I wish I could see you
speak to you
feel you and understand your heart
I think about you now so often and try to hide it
where are all of the safe thoughts that I tried to bid
To keep you in-- the things you did wrong.
Safer then all of the thoughts I entertain now
The way I thought we would always keep house
What are you doing now?
Where is all your favorable good lust for me?
All of the hype I love to be kept in?
aren't you still mad at me?
I wish you would be. Instead you come knocking at my door
And don't even answer your own.
Yes, this is about you.

D.A.D. Dad And Daughter

Not only am I thinking of you,
I can smell your coffee breath
and see you standing next to
the big kitchen window.
The one you broke
a little hole in the first sheet of glass
I understand that things are
still abundant between us
If I wanted to forgive
you I still haven't
and other things still haven't been done
It isn't until lately I see how
I haven't given up on hating you
If it isn't for all of the things
I can still remember what was good of you
I don't want to hate you any more
I want to call a truce
maybe not so you can hear it
but I want out of hating you
I want out of my misery I
want to let go of all the shame
I attatched to all of our memories.
I want to just keep a small happy thing
an icon for my mind to conjure up
when I think of you
for now
that is all and how I can think of you


you hurt me
I hated you
God loves me
I forgive you

ummmm... i think so

Bearing all the weight, that my petite shoulders can muster,
I come before thee and ask what is to be-
What is to become of me?
Is the future dim?,
Or is it dimly lit? --
I suppose it is all up to me.
And for all the burdens I brave; I must take
I must want these shaddows of blame
and heavy-handed weight as they make my stides longer
my mind sharper and my tounge not so slick as when I was younger
Not to say that older is old.
Thank this world and these heavens that I am still
young enough to admitt defeat agianst my own indiscretions,
my youthful opinions and arrogance.
That I am not so much older than my innocense to say I was wrong.
The worlds ways are not in error for being unlike mine.
I have been selfish and greedy and domineering and resentful.
And i am grateful to be young enough still to say
I am grateful to be wrong in my convixtions.
I have found Tangible strength in my own recovery,
from a one time self sufficient lover