Mouse and Lion

IT would be nice to think of something better here
where I came from, I should be so happy here
and it must be me making this all so sad
because you cant be the one responsible for all of my mad
I test myself in every way and here you come
testing me again.
I need to be something more than "just feeling"
where does the thinking come in if I am always just reacting?
when do I get to be a better person if I am always questioning who I am?
silly girl just needs to calm down
I am so uptight I can't take a breath in
and I need to let this all go. let it out
become my own person
lately I am owned by what I cannot change
by my own anger and your perspective.
so is it just the natural order of things?
can I forgive and forget? Myself? These mundane transgressions?
Simply put: am I a mouse or a Lion?

ladaH

Ungrateful; biting tongue
tongue in cheek
mouth covering my hand
you cant trust anything I say today
I cant trust the ways you make me feel
The ways I feel about you
Everything is written backwards and wrong
thinking thoughts of a million different women
This must be the cusp of something big
a deep crevice into the being of who I am
Who I have been is no longer where I am
and I am descending further down..down..
so that I might climb out and reach up again?
I am reaching below a thousand fathoms
I am sinking beneath my heart
now I can really see what beats inside of me
the thoughts, the needs that course through me
the feelings and the desires of who I am
And I am slipping past them all
on this journey of who I really am
I am base needs and understandings
I am forsaken and forgiven
I am unrelenting and risen
I am a Queen of fortune
and I rise
I am reaching for the light
even as I never leave the darkest parts of who I am.

us

I am treading water with you.
Waiting for your love.
and I don't wait too long
for you come at me like a deep fog
so consuming and unrelenting
penetrating every inch of me
my small frame, waiting for you
I am saturated with your thoughts, your words.
pierced by adamant needs and wants.
when will you be beside me?
when will you never disappear?
into the backbone of who we are,
into the afterthought of our time
into the depth of our memories
I want to make new things
make babies make love
make kindness in the world
create forgiveness and compassion
forge understanding, learning..
I want a new life together..a life that is ours..

Nathaniel

you have me thinking so long about things
you have me wondering about me and you..
when did my thoughts become your thoughts?
well, not your thoughts, thoughts about you.
you have me questioning, thinking, daydreaming
I am so inspired by you
I want to be next to you. Be a better person with you.
I want you to believe in me. I am thinking that you do.
we are apart and here I am speaking of you.
we are apart and i am dreaming about you.
we are apart and I am wondering how many hours until I see you again.
I am falling off a ledge when it comes to you.
I am floating around in wonderment at the possibilities.
I am thinking about love, and what it means, to me, to you..

honest lie

what if you could just be my canvas.
a perfect piece of white nothing to set my work upon
would you hold dear to the things that I hold dear
or would you flex your muscles and temp me
to the things that I couldn't bear?
who would you hold beside me? your self, your lover?
would you cling or compare?
it is never knowing; to know you
it is like Atlantis to find you.
Looking in places so deep never knowing what to find
never knowing what is real. are you for real?
I want to know. But their are so many thoughts swarming around you
are you good? are you kind? Are you the kind I am to let in to my life?
I wonder and question and wish and wonder
but I will never tell you that kind of honesty,
I haven't figured out yet,for that kind of honesty, how to lie for.