12.03.03 PART II

I can be insecure. I've been outspoken.
I know I can be mean. Sometimes I am meaner then then I try.
I've been insensitive. I probably will be sometime again.
I am shy. I have been putting myself in new places.
I make myself talk. I am at times very eloquent.
There are times when I should say something;
and even as everyone is waiting, I spend sometimes being nervous.
I've been accused of mumbling, of storytelling.
I have told more then one lie. I daydream, I fantasize.
--I am a vast ocean of befores.
Actions and feelings and places that made me piece by piece.
I am salty. I am fun. I am smart. I am loving and naughty.
I have hit another human begin. I have left bruises.
I have laughed. I have been made fun of.
I have been accused and punished. I have asked for forgiveness.
I have been abused. I am immature at times.
I know I can be selfish. I am beautiful I am strong.
I have seduced. I have caused heartache.
I have been a generous and gracious lover.
I know how to receive pleasure.
--I am a rolling ocean and a crashing tide.
I am the shoreline that meets the befores.
-- I am still even the sand that is left to be the afters.
After I have hurt, I have gone back to hurt worse.
After I have trusted, I have accepted lie after lie.
After I have met new faces, I have snuck out the back door.
After I have filled my ocean, I have become a better person.
To acknowledge, accept and learn is the afters I live for.