do we have to be so old at 30?

where have i gone?
so inside of some new place i don't recognize
all these thoughts....
are they so deep for so long ??
something i took half a lifetime to bury and here--
i cant see them for mine or for tangible.
where IS anyone?
do i have to feel all these erie things alone?
i am for better or worst a masochist,
a people person and i do not want to be alone right now.
i guess really, i should be asking myself
how long its been since i started to feel
those old framiliar feelings of too far gone
with too much time spent alone
and no good laughter's to share no tears
no anybody to acknowlege all my shallow-deep desires...
there are no questions to ponder-- its just almost like I'm ten
deep in the wood's.
and there, i can scream for my life
for some one to take me away
i could scream for my savior and still
even she was too far away from my middle-of-nowhere...
so is it contemplations or hesitations
or procrastinations that make me stay here?
everyone is caught up on practicing self indulgence
trying to find enlightenment soul hiking ..
In the mountains like you always thought
you would have stopped doing when you where 19.

so are you any wiser?
risked anything worth while?
you never did at any other time..
oh, who the fuck are you? do you know?
i mean in any sense, are you a woman of solid substance?
are you really almost 30?
or is somebody joking me? joshing me? jiving me?
playin' pretenden'...and i'm still a little kid
on the verge of guessing and figuring out who i am?