me and mine

I am looking at my sexuality
through eyes I've never spoke with before.
Do you see what I see?
Are you waiting for me to make a move?
It boggles me how you make me want to beg and give you all of me.
But you can also make me sit in silent lusting agony
and I don't know who you are
How do you make me feel like a child pretending to be a bigger girl?
I'm a grown womanI have every right to feel these feelings, want this from you.
Yet you know how to keep me in a beggars transition.
I want so much still I don't say a word.
You thought me a little surprise you would open to keep and never touch?
oh baby perhaps you thought I wouldn't keep score, wouldn't get offended.
But you see me and I am so nice, too nice to not touch. My lover, I don't belong on the shelf.
I want to feel your skin and fingertips. I want you to caress me even with your callouses.
I want to feel you on my skin- be next to you and your warmth, your breath and your sex.
All the same next to me. Give me something to feed off of, something real to grasp.
I think and then its not what it is supposed to be.,
You have me so tied up I cant even see my thoughts for through my fantasies.
But I don't know exactly what they are. I am at hard work in the middle of every yesterday
And I think about you and your weight on top of me squeezing the breath out of me .
And our naughty little game we hardly ever play enough. And I moan out loud.
I think there is so much here to work with and I am so grateful and lucky that it is you.
I also believe your trustful and safe enough to let me open myself from the inside out.
So I am gone- looking for my newer sexuality and I am swimming in you deciding where to go.
So thank you for the space and freedom. The things I never knew I needed.

seeeeeeeexuality

I am looking at my own sexuality and discovering who I am for my own self
I see myself as a disguised woman in a bar picking up on men I will never kiss
I am seeing me as a woman dressing up in minis for my man
and I am cooking meat and potatoes--
when I beg let me into you, unto me, and around and down you.
Everything sexual and in control but there is so much more then that.
I love my own person,
my own women I know how to please.
And its not about being a beauty queen or about being adored.
Its about the lust and the hype
and the quality of love I feel
and who I want to give it too
its about lights of a blue lit t.v. screen when its just me.
And when its me in bed and in the shower
and when its me while I'm telling you how to comfort me.