Saturday, January 14

Velocity of vixen principles rips the umbilical cord

given the velocity of this stagnant mood.
I consider you have 12 minutes

to change for the dramatic and hope its better
the only other option is to become

another ****like your mother
their is nooo waiting in progress
your either going to succeed because you want to
or you will constrict and expire under a writhing psyche
a slave to your mute voice....

And this leaching vice -sarcastic and bitter....
only resents
the things that you feed
where is your fastidious haste to undo the damage

that couldn't be undone in childhood?
where is your heart? She can't be still broken

convinced of an eternal solitaire girlhood drowned in martyrdom
a little devastation goes a long way
into
the culminating of a humble lady vixen
so don't go caring the torch one step too far....
it looks so sad and embarrassed,

wearing someone else's hate
how do those bitches do it?

they take so many names in so many places and still,
40 years later, and a 1000 different faces
in a thousand different roles they'll play-
and their still the same cunt. so why?--
how is it your still bleeding?

bending down to ask for a hand up?!!
now who's the cunt?
it doesn't take a sacrifice in the name of intelligence

to make status on your own
you know better than that. Be your own woman
never mind the fighters and the hookers,
the clubbers and haters
you don't fake it; its your originality--
the only thing you have that makes them cling
so don't sell out.
Older is made of secure findings and integrity
rooted in deep beliefs
so be it humbled and sincere and honorable and kind....
so be it without bitches nor admiration...

Those are only petty distractions
and petty is shallow and shallow unbecoming
Depth is uncomfortable to reach from any side,

from inside or from the other side of the coin
all that matters is you get there. It is the safest place
depth demands virtue, and character' strength
all that is honorable is earned

so
it is genuine and that is trustworthy
trust breeds honesty and honesty is on a level that discriminates
and those who feed on the beauty of others

are living out an ugly destiny to be ddestroyed
only by their own hate: this is discrimination
I am ready to be the only one standing in deep waters

{all the bitches I see now are drowning
grasping at me like little octapussies,
still demanding I take their help}

I have all the time I know it will take
for all time bears fruit
and that fruit shall be ripe in my favor
sweet as pleasure my solitary captivity sheds and

I give breath to independence,
solitary strength and capability

Engaged to integrity in all my relationships

there are two thoughts merging here
when I speak to all these words

that make up the sentences and pages I speak true
to all I am thinking and feeling
so sometimes what I am thinking is wrong -

or I am not sure of a particular feeling
it goes to speak of honesty, sincerity, integrity
how honest I strive to be

how vulnerable I willing make myself
to define in all practical and poinant terms
of truth and genuine accountability
I am engaged with integrity in all my relationships
and yes, I think I am quite smart,
however it defies no odds how confused I become

when I try to understand just what you mean
for all the casual ways you speak
the questions you ask make me think

your not sure how you should treat me,
not sure of who I am really now that I think of it,

let me not forget to tell you how angry I was when ******
you called a time or two and said you where on your way
now, I know that time, in a couple different contexts

means quite different things between me and you
as I also know you are given to making others wait
you could even say they should expect it

and you yourself, are never subjected to the experience
so be it any reason, in this instance it is work work work,
the reason you are so late and unapologetically

and it felt for a moment you thought I should consider it my luck
you could find some time to see me
when I say its back to the white lie--

its the lie I think I pull off flawlessly
and with absolute transparent intentions

I try to handle our relations the way you do,
since you don't seam to feel as I do, a bit put off and confused
but let me reflect on all these thoughts I've been thinking of late.
no, I can't be you. Treat you in the same ways
as I have been treated by you
forgive myself for not demanding more of you before I learned,
and decided for all you have,
you have lacked honor and above all; Integrity

practice and exercize

Retrieve in to is to recede into the recesses of my shallow side and there are all my hysterical shadows bumping into other personalities and places of another world I no longer belong to.
I want to respite recess and I I know ill incur the sublime I will encourage as my own savior.
I will inspire to have survived and I will be successful at the course I choose to chart

so I will..recede receive recess repel repress recite resist respite insight inside invite ignite ignore infer incur encourage savage savior surprise sumize sincere sublime severe inspire survive

Friday, January 13

trebuchet

sordid:nefarious:oneric:malediction:

For all the stillness in the sigh of this mighty little lioness,

I bite my tongue and wonder if your just a stubborn little after-thought

or maybe it is better (easier, safer) for me to think of you like that

it seems I've got just as carried away in all these days

I'm thinking of you as in all the ways you divinely sweetened me

in all those lovely hours I insist you credit for

so how is this a consensual intimate anything?

if I am left pouting, steeping, pondering-

if I alone am simply still reeling

how badly I needed of something from someone

I didn't know I craved

to connect with unobstructed ease and insightful conversations

I don't know if you can still begin to understand,

or if I really am ever meant too.

I know you think I'm a little naive

and a tempered little sexy number

and you couldn't see how I could get so attached

to your words and because of your deeds

so if I come across like a little vixen

even if I can promise no more than a selfish,

unasured, insecure and a demanding little impatient

I should hope you know enough of me - you should,

We both know my body won't ever betray my mind so,

I let you go before I had you

thank you for all and know that this woman

is a wise and magical creature

I'll find firmer footing than you would have been

and don't forget--

it is always the woman who makes the man

(Nov 25, '05)

may our bond be softly unbroken

pink and blue and vaspertine and question don't; look down
on your outlook for this season of ours is closing
exit me not out the door so quickly
a thousand grand temptations
make me wait to beg competence
I can be pure unto my own desire
and embrace the ways I long for; I wager
your heart is not in your arms as she has been
I've kept it locked away from harm and unsafe
-safe from what? is it gotten away from me?
cause for all the times I tucked you away
you were still mine and forever I thought
but that's not the case of love and lovers
you by now- half slipped out to another
and crawling away from me to arms I recognize
so it doesn't feel safe in my heart anymore
not to keep you with me as your heart here in mine
so I give you back what was mine-- is no longer
as I've been free, so you should be to love another

Wednesday, January 11

weather contaminations be damned! my heart!

Don't touch the rain today. I fear your rage is contagious and I always do so well in my own beauty with wet hair.
and I have to let you know that I know all of your secrets and she knows all of mine
and your about to tell me another one of hers almost. I'm sorrry to be the one ;
I know all of hers and I know she's the only one who doesn't
I wish all of this honesty would burn you cause I don't yet see it's rubbed off at all.
thank you for all that you took last night. I felt empty and soiled and free
and I gave up all my lust to you --in some time more than I can quite really remember
I wish love into your life and unto you I wish and want

for you: happiness for the rest of all your years of this life
I no longer worry about who said what or when: I want to be understood
and not looked at like that face that always slaps my shoulders, -so intense the look you give when your begging in self-sacrifice and martyrdom...
..Save for a moment or two in the time in between when maybe you want to get laid

talk of sacrifice, and surrender your celibacy -to tell me what it means "promiscuous"
quietly you will so surely be, to show me what it means
worried about me? I'm not being true unto my own? Forgive me.
know for sure that I am the soul your chasing around your bedroom and mostly in your thoughts. I now think your crazy
I know who I am. I can't forget how I've been;
who I've talked like; and the things I said.
and the things that shouldn't have ever been listened for- and to- and from --
I'm not your sister -not ever again to be your lover- never your mother
but somehow still connected forever..