waiting for your good favour

My carefully coifted,
consciencely crafted thoughts
of your body and moments of you
pieces of our conversations enclose
around that little obsessive part of my being
that has heard your ideas.
Felt your thick strong hands
tasted your fingers
your vulnerability and your fear
even just a little bite of you - I am brooding -
without you I'm hesitating in thoughts,
stuttering around simple words
that have nothing to do with you
so I tell myself....I know now I am not
so much the portrait I would have liked to think true
the one I am in all the ideals
I like to keep unto myself fooled
every time I talk to you, look at you
faulted myself for falling out of self endorcement.....

why do I insist you in past my eyes?-
from behind my mind into the space
where lust and insight conspire
and align all their recourse into
pieces of lies I've idolized, encouraged
and inspite of my conscience I like those thoughts
I insist on those idealistic sentimental boughts
I'm in drought of your sincere sexual compatibility

Cold With best intentions

How am I going to harness all the courage I've got?
I know its going to take it all to make this all o.k.

so I'm going to have to find it in me to fight like I used to
to feel like I want to and to smile like I can

and when the rage has cleared and my eyes are clear
and the fury and the tears have slipped away
from memories and my ears

I will be left with what I knew would be, what is mine
and I will be left with how I handle this all- how I behaved

then broken promises will be judged
and violence and anger
I will stand to acknowlege who I am in the light I claim

will I stand fair and just? Will I be sweet with honor?
would I slump and squirm wrought with sheepish sorrow?

I know what I have to be to work towards who I know
I have to be strong for
I know there isn't a friend to call on, this is mine to conquer

maybe for a salute to your good intentions...
I don't demand repayment of any shadow-taker
all vengeance is mine.........
mine is integrity, perserverance, humility and honor

some 7 where days

its been seven years
and all that is left for me to mull over
is the long wait to get virtually nowhere
but a good place for me to start.
and now i am unpacking all my shit,
trying to be still enough to see my real face
in the mirror and for all pretenses,
i dont know what exactly i should be feeling
and my face gives into raw emotion
the kind of nothing that i can feel with tingles
and electric anuity that promises to stem from new found feedom.
i am a blank slate that is somehow basking in the moment
not needing to retrace the pinings of histories
already enslaved once-ago-way-back-when

secret sordid sensual surrender

so let me begin my little girl rage with a love song for you,
you work and work and work me over when you can get off
and its back to the white lie, the little goodbye
and here is my little lush charm:
I don't want you to go
I don't want to wait and see how it will all work out
I'm out of my element -
I cant believe for a minute you don't feel it
I can taste it. As I look into your dismissive eyes
I can see you look away from it
all this hype, all this lust,
all of this getting down has me down for sure
so I get up again, give you head again say goodbye and then....What?
you bring a bitch and a real catty one he would turn out to be.
how do I end up with his balls and still, I'm the only pussy?
cause the ball is in your court and all I can do is think about you
touch all the places you thought so sweet to taste
and I know that you belong with me in my arms charming and protected
I will be your alibi if you would just call me-
tell me you've become a believer
deliver me from where only you can
the dark corner in the middle of your mind
in the shade of your island in forgotten fantasies...
I will always demand for you
so tissue in hand and hand in mouth
and I am silently screaming your name with my wettest three fingers
wont you want me sometime when I can say "no"
how do you expect me to parade around as your little viscous whore?
delicately disarming all of your personal armies of defense
and taking you in; taking you in my thighs and with my eyes
and even my blushing cheeks are letting go a wistful little sigh
in my sweet little princess fairy tale
I don't let you break pretenses or smile at me
or undress me with that silent devils-mischief stare...
I pretend this is just a lust-filled oneiric--
the one that makes me beg you,
let me be the feast you intend to disrobe .defile. devour.
let me be the one you desire.
I don't kid myself I don't linger over your insightful thoughts
or care anything of your intellect,
give notice when your compassionate.
I will give no credence to your artistic,
your humanity, your vulnerable pride.

Instead I pose as your promiscuous neophyte
longing for your good favor
so I can bear the rights to play your malediction
in the game of erotica,
where I obtain clever and patience while waiting for our next nefarious outing
with explicit intentions as your SlinkySassyVixen